School is winding down fast and Summer is fast approaching. Katie has completed her track season & unfortunately was not able to participate much as she was injured. She had her last spring Orchestra concert and has one more banquet & two more weeks of class before her Freshman year is officially over. "The boys" have both completed school for this year. Cody graduated last night! It is such a bittersweet moment to watch the child you have fretted, corrected, cheered, and yes even threatened move into the "adult" world. What a proud and emotional time. Kyle and Cody both have summer temporary jobs and will be working this summer in the Holland/Zeeland area. I keep singing the song ~ Ain't It Fun ~ and especially the lyrics that goes through my mind "Don't go crying to you mama 'cause you're on your own in the real world". What songs they play nowadays :)
Tom continues to struggle most days. His INR levels bounce from 5 to 8 & the Oncologist prescribed as of today twice a week a dose of Vitamin K pill to hopefully bring & keep that number down to 4. Tom's bili number has been an average of 11. Every Tuesday and Friday Tom goes to the Cancer Center for Saline infusions as he is not able to drink enough liquids to keep his Kidney functioning at an appropriate level. The goal is to keep Tom home & out of the hospital and to help him be able to be here for Cody's open house in June. The plan is to continue this treatment plan into June and then call hospice after the open house. Tom is determined to see family and friends one last time. We talked with the Oncologist today celebrating that Tom's first goal of seeing his son graduate has been accomplished.
This past week we had our 26th anniversary. It's amazing the difference in thinking about our celebration of last year. Last year we were in FL walking the boardwalk and enjoying the sun. This year we spent time together in our home. Tom had no appetite and only took two bites of the little cakes we had to share. I have told others in the past that I would do this all over again in a minute. However, I do have to admit that I am glad I was blissfully unaware of where we would be today. Tom has stopped using Facebook and mostly his phone as his shaking has gotten so bad that it frustrates him to talk/type. His interest in the "world" has diminished and he uses his energy to talk about what needs to be done for graduation and what I and the kids will need beyond that. With all the pain medications that Tom is taking it has greatly affected his speech. He seems to always have a dry mouth and does not enunciate his words as before. Tom claims that everything sounds so loud. He speaks very softly due to this & with my hearing I feel terrible asking him to repeat himself when the task of talking is already difficult. Tom also seems to have difficulty processing thoughts. I will ask him a question and many times I need to repeat or wait while he tries to figure out his answer. A few times I have asked him and question and a while later (it feels like it's out of the blue to me) he will have a short answer. I have learned that even though I have let the question go, he seems to process it all the while I'm onto something else.
I have done my best to try to prepare myself and the kids that time is running short. I admitted to Katie last weekend: "It's so hard to watch your dad struggle, but yet I'm not ready to say goodbye. I would like to pick ~ none of the above~ but that is not how it goes...Either way Cancer Sucks" Kyle and I had a serious conversation about how Tom is struggling with life. Last night as I woke up in the middle of the night and released my tears I reminded myself again though I will get through this, it will not be easy. I think it was a good thing to have a good cry and at least this time I was not driving!
Last night after Cody walked off the stage Tom leaned over to me & said "We made it"!
Lamentations 2:19 "Rise in the night and cry to your God. Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord; lift up your hands to him"
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