Life if funny sometimes & sometimes it's not fun at all. Our U of M experiences has not been the highlight of this season. Tom was called with a quick schedule of his outpatient surgery (giving him 2 days to find a driver)with a simulation follow up the next week. Tom's good friend Chris said that he would be able to take him. I have to mention that early morning is not Tom's best part of the day. Since having the adjustable bed, his facial swelling and tightness in his throat has deminished, but that does not make him jump up and down in the am. Anyway, he was up and out the door by 5:30 Thursday morning to have his surgery. Upon his arrival he finds that they gave him the wrong date, and he is scheduled the following day. Luckily his friend was able to take him over 500 miles (there & back twice) so that he could have the surgery. So two days in a row he was up and out the door before 6 am. After surgery he had to rest on his back for 2 hours as it was cricitcal that his liver not move. Tom was not happy about this and the fact that on Friday was our Parents night to walk our son on the football field. Tom told me that he needed 2 days bed rest (not mentioned in our preplan meeting with the docs). I came home from work Friday to tell Cody that I would be the one walking him, he said "OK mom, I understand". As you all know Tom by now, he would not miss this opportunity for anything. He was standing by his boy, pure white and a little wobbly, but NOTHING was keeping him from this experience. Many of the parents mentioned they were glad to see him. They all got a laugh as I explained that he just had out patient surgery and is supposed to be bed ridden, but I don't believe anyone was surprised to see him.
During the following week Cody came home with the Athletic Trainer & coach who explained that Cody had taken a huge hit and they beleived he had a concussion. Cody felt dizzy and had a headache. A trip to the Doctors confirmed and he missed the next two weeks of football. The same day Tom had an aweful experience with his infusion and the Pharmacy filling his prescription. On Friday I went along with Tom for his doctor visit and Simulation. This time around we were treated as if this was his first radiation visit. The experience took only 1/2 the time once they realized that Tom was there last December. Once we got into the car Tom said "We never saw the doctor" which was the reason that I accompanied him. Oh well, we were both ready to head home!
They told Tom that they needed to create a program before they can start his radiation treatments and that it would take a least a week to get him scheduled. Radiation treatments will start this Tuesday and will be scheduled every Tues/Thurs for 5 treatments. Tom did ok with the breathing tube during the simulation his firefighter training with SCBA helped, but is not looking forward to having to go through it. While waiting to start his treatment he has been romping in the woods looking for that "big buck" to come along.
His strength has been diminishing along with his appetite. I try not to worry about how skinny he's become. I've tried different ideas and they are not working and I feel helpless. For the most part Tom has been content to just hang out at home. When I mention doing things he just doesn't have the will/energy to go like he used to. Katie, my parents & I went to Art Prize and had a beautiful warm day to walk around Grand Rapids and enjoy. Tom would rather hang out at home & watch football or Tigers. It's becoming clear to me that our life is changing once again & those days of being on the go all the time has gone.
I will be honest and say that I've had a hard time adjusting to this slower pace. Sometimes I feel down, but then I remember that I have so much to be thankful for: that Tom is here, that he has a good sense of humor, that he is so involved in his children's lives, that he is a fighter, and that he is still my biggest supporter through all of this. I am so lucky to have him in my life & to have been with him for over 1/2 my time on this earth. We are doing a series a church about Unbinding Your Heart. One of the questions is How is your life different as a Christian? For me it has a definate impact on my life & outlook. When I have this sad feeling I go back to a prayer journal. This is one that I wrote down after my brothers passing. I have a choice of how I will react to life. These are personal words but ones I feel compeled to share:
Father, thank you for helping me to choose you. Where would I be today without you? I don't think I truely want to know. Today you fight for me, carry me, talk & walk with me. Someday I'll bow to you face to face I'll feel your love surround me. Until then my job is to be your solider. May I do well as your servant. Amen.
