I'll See You Again My Love

I am already crying and I haven't even typed a word yet. This has been such a difficult journey and my emotions go from being heartbroken to relief knowing he is not in pain, to joy when I see a part of him in the 3 beautiful gifts he left for us on this Earth. The kids seem to be doing ok and stepping in when I ask. They have complied with my "head of the household" decisions and have been very caring when I want to share a story or just be. They have each other and I know that they are have me too!

I was so touched by the people who came to pay the family their respects. There were people from Tom's class that introduced themselves to me as well as people he had worked with in his various jobs, people from our community and of course our "framily"!. Both of our parents introduced friends & some of their classmates, our distant relatives (meaning 2nd cousins & the Canucks), and a classmate of mine that I haven't seen in about 20 years. As many stood in line to give their condolences a memory would pop in my head that I had to share with them. It was good therapy for me to return a word/memory about how much they meant to Tom as well.

In this past week I have taken my time to go through the cards sent and moved at a turtles speed. I feel exhausted and know that this is just a part of the grief process, just the start. I have made many phone call and started to move accounts over to my name. I knew this would take a while, but I am just beginning to understand all the things Tom did for our family that I have not thought about in years. As many of you know he was the organized one in our household. A month back we went into our office and he was helping me with the bills. I live in organized chaos so papers/folder strewn everywhere is my "normal" Tom sat beside me and after a few minutes of me "finding" papers he looked at me and said "Oh baby, this is what I am so worried about" I looked at him and smiled and replied "It may not be done the way you would do it but I'll get it done, I've got this"

Thank you all for your love and prayers; not sure how I'd make it through without each of you! I have continued to have so much support from both friends and family. They have helped around the house and planning the next event. I am now focusing on Cody's open house and am glad that I have something to keep my mind occupied. This is also helping me to be motivated to do stuff around the house. I think that otherwise I would let the world go by for a while and I am not sure that is the healthiest thing in too much moderation! I will work to make him proud of what he's started. One of his last trips out of the hospital as we were on our way home Tom stated that he just wanted me to be happy.....I'll try for you.....I'll try. What helps me is knowing that this is not our final goodbye. There are still things to be done on this Earth, children to support and yet raise. However, someday I know that he is waiting for me to meet him where he will forever be pain free! I wrote this about a week ago and posted it on Facebook but thought it would be a appropriate way to end this blog:

I am Yours and You are Mine

A girl met a boy when in their late teens fate made its mark
A true love story when love lit the spark
She was 16 going on 17 and he almost 20 years old
A lifetime that they would have, neither one of them could have foretold
I am Yours and You are Mine

A couple years of dating it became serious quite fast
We were so young many people didn’t think it would last
We plowed onto together, always a partnership, hand in hand
Life had its bumps but on our feet we would land
I am Yours and You are Mine

Our wedding day was wonderful bright smiles & happy tears
We had great fun playing in Michigan for about 6 years
Then we bought our first home and had a bouncing baby boy
You so confident in your new role as a father which brought me great joy
I am Yours and You are Mine

Fourteen month later we became a family of four
You worked so hard & I was a more confident mom in our little home in Dorr
You loved your boys it was so plain to see
A few years later we completed our family with baby number three
I am Yours and You are Mine

We had some hard times too this I can not deny
Life had it challenges but we always seemed to get by
Many times I teased you and said you made me laugh more than cry
Always working for our family & playing hard too giving life your best try
I am Yours and You are Mine

Cancer took its best from you but you wouldn’t stay down
I did not hear you complain nor live life with a frown
You made the best of your years, you gave it all you had
Making memories for your family a great husband & dad
I am Yours and You are Mine

Even through your sickness you gave to your community too
Being involved in EMS, Relay for Life, Boosters President to name a few
A mark you would leave not realizing the footprints you would set
Amazing many with your drive more than we will ever know I bet
I am Yours and You are Mine

Twenty six years of marriage we were able to share
Living life to the fullest while giving Cancer its biggest dare
In sickness and health until death do us part
Knowing that someday in Heaven again I’ll give you my heart
because I know that forever I am Yours and You are Mine