Good to be back to Blue!

I need to start this post with something that I feel is extremely important. This year we had 24 Team members join our Relay for Life of Barry County. What an important event in the fight against cancer. I can't exaggerate how important this organization is and what it does for research, treatment and overall funding. We had 2 team members walk the 24 hour Endurance walk...walking over 28 miles. Our daughter Katie and her friend walked 22 miles. Our son Cody came out for the first time and he said that he would like to do it again next year. We had friends and family stop in from as far north a Mt. Pleasant and south as Kalamazoo. I have to say the Silent lap was the most emotional for me as we walked a silent lap in memory of those who lost the fight. Immediately afterward the Luminary bags were light around the track in memory and honor of all cancer patients (even some K-9 bags were made). It is quite humbling to see to say the least.

OK, so now onto what everyone has been looking for: Tom and I headed to Detroit early Tuesday morning. We knew this would be an interesting visit as Tom's doctor and the Clinical Manager were both out of the office. Tom checked in, had his vitals and labs done then the doctor came into the room stating that Tom was to have a biopsy done as there was no conclusion in regards to whether the scan showed evidence of cancer. Tom and I gave each other the deer in the headlight look. Apparently his oncologist did not complete the report prior to his departure. He had called Tom the day after his scan to let us know that Tom was out of the Clinical Trial and that he would like to start Tom on the FDA approved drug. Tom informed him that he would be going back to his oncologist at the U of M to discuss options. We were supposed to be there to exit out of the program. There seemed to be a lot of confusion at this visit as the doctor was unaware of what was going on after the last MRI. We received paperwork that requested an additional follow up with Dr. Ali. When Tom and I asked what for, there was no answer. Tom will be calling the hospital next week but be assured that was our last visit. I know that Tom was there for the benefit of the drug. I am not saying that we had terrible care, but Tom kept stating that he was just a rat. As we exited the doors for the last time I think we both took in a breath of fresh air.

We spent the night at Tom's cousins home. Thanks again Dawn and Tom for opening up your home to us. We went to Side Track Bar and Grill and enjoyed dinner on the patio and good conversation. It was a working weekday for them so hopefully we didn't bother their schedules too much. It was such a pleasant evening :)

Wednesday we went to the U of M for a consultation. It is scary to be put in the same room you've had twice before and not had the best of news. I laughed and said "Three time's the charm" :) After a mound of paperwork and answering lots of questions, we have started a plan. The CD with all Tom's scans were given to their Radiologist to review. Tom will have a new CT of the chest scanned here in GR and it will be sent to the U of M Radiation department. Once all this has been reviewed Tom's case will go before the Tumor board it will be determined if Tom will be watched for tumor growth, have radiation of the C6-C7 vertebrae, or if he will be put on Vandetanib. At this point Dr. Worden stated that Tom has been through a lot these last two years on the XL-184 and would like to give him a break. Dr. Worden stated that the soft tissue has been stable and the cancer may have found another genetic path through the bone. If so, he believed treating it locally to be the best way to go. The side effects for this new drug is very similar to the XL-184 and he didn't want to put Tom's body through this unless there were definite signs of metastatic growth. He is concerned about quantity as well as quality of life.

Though Tom is a little concerned that taking nothing may mean that the cancer will spread, he was relieved that he can feel normal again for a while at least. Tom has been eating very well this last month, he is looking healthier (goodbye pasty white skin) and has gained energy. Tom's mind seems to be clearer and I notice his attitude about life has improved in the last month. I am happy to have my hubby back!

As I walked the silent lap last Friday I couldn't help but think someday this could be me walking in memory of my husband. I really had to fight back the tears and my heart went out to those who were walking in memory of someone close to them.

Psalms 42:5 "Why be downcast? Why be discouraged and sad? Hope in God! I shall yet praise him again. Yes, I shall again praise him for his help."

Plan B/The end of XL-184

On Sunday Tom and I headed back to West Bloomfield for his intensive MRI scan. It was another pretty drive and the traffic was not too heavy for a Sunday. The MRI took about an hour. During the last scan Tom could not hold in his cough and they had to repeat the 5 minute scan. I feel so bad with Tom's neck surgery, he has a hard time with speaking, swallowing, no coughing ordeals.

Today Tom received a phone call from Dr. Ali stating that the MRI scans showed the cancer has metastasized to the C6-C7 vertebrae. Tom is off the drug and will need to go back in August to exit the study. Dr. Ali did say that he would like to go before the board and to confirm that he will be removed from the trial. He did talk about putting Tom on the Vandetanib or another drug that can be prescribed to MTC patients.

Tom is probably going to take another approach; he is planning to call his primary doctor and get a referral back to Dr. Worden at the U of M. After a couple visits to Ann Arbor he can possibly move his care to one of Dr. Worden's colleagues in Grand Rapids. We have talked about this option since our January visit with Dr. Worden; a Plan B of sorts.

While the XL-184 was not perfect, it did give us two more years together. I am asking my prayer warriors to please keep us in mind. Tom does very well in these circumstances, and I just tend to fret and become the grumpy caretaker (as he calls me). We need a clear plan as to Tom' treatment and hope that he will have a better quality of life.

1 Peter 4:12 "Dear friends, don't be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is not strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you."

Scan, Scans, Scans & More Scans

Tom, Katie, and I headed back to Detroit this month for Tom's scans & results. This has been a very trying month for Tom physically. He has been trying to eat better than before and attempting to be up & moving with 3 active kids, getting his backyard around, and keep pushing himself everyday to be moving. The record heat has really pushed Tom's limits also. He is fatigued and....grumpy! We had many discussions about Tom needing a break from the drug. I of course kept telling him he needed to stay on the drug and poo poohing his need to take a breather. To tell the truth I'm afraid that if he goes off and feels better, he'll chose not to go back on.

Sunday Tom had his first scan and off to the Tigers we went. What a game! It was a great game and we enjoyed watching them win. It was hard on Tom to sit in the sun and heat but he didn't want to miss a minute. Monday was his other scans and he was in good spirits when we got back to the Guest house. He seems to react better to some contrasts than others.

Tuesday we headed to our meeting with Dr. Ali to get the results. His Clinical Manager talked with Tom about the possibility of reducing his dosage as he is having a hard time this past month. She said he is currently the only one on the study taking such a high dose of drug. Dr. Ali said that Tom's Bone scan came in stable. He stated that the CT scan is showing that the lesions in his liver & pancreas are stable. He was concerned with the change in the vertebrae (c6 & c7). This could be progression of the disease, but it could also be other causes. There needs to be another scan to take a closer look at this area. At this point he took Tom off the drug for 30 days. However, we know that if there is evidence of the cancer metastasizing again, Tom will be removed from the trial and we will be looking for other options.

When we got home tonight we received the call from the hospital for his MRI scan. On Sunday we will be heading back to Detroit for the day. Tom remains in good spirits joking about getting to enjoy a burrito and a cold beer this month. He was actually happy to hear the news of the break & smiled when the doctor first told us. I on the other hand sink into a quiet and gloomy state (being a good caretaker I am not). These realities hit harder than I am able to admit. I talk about having Tom here years longer than I believed was possible and that I understand how precious life is. It's another to remember that the odds are against him & to live with the fact that I selfishly want and expect many more. On the drive home I kept telling myself to lighten up, I know who is in control and what good does worrying do; so instead I prayed for the results and that we are prepared for the next steps in His plan. Lord help us through the next 30 days.

Proverbs 20:24 "Since the Lord is directing out steps, why try to understand everything that happens along the way?"

Today is a Present

It's funny how during the month I think...that was cool, I'll post that on my next blog. Then I sit down to share and I think, what should be the focus of my topic this time and what did I try to remember to share? I'll start with the kids: Kyle is still working during this summer, airsofting, and just enjoying the summer before his senior year. Cody is in Football camp this week, U of M football camp, and I hope he's enjoying it while learning from some pretty impressive coaches. He comes home tomorrow so we'll see how awesome it was! :) Katie is in basketball camp, AquatiCats swimming program and has her first meet tomorrow (thanks Grandpa and Grandma for getting her there). They are all enjoying some hazy lazy days of summer. Our family has been working very hard on the yard and getting the pool in. Tom is not up to vacationing and I love to soak up the sun. The kids love to float and swim so Merry Christmas Andrews family our vacation in our own backyard!


Tom is slowly going downhill. He is still struggling to take his Potassium. We've tried the liquid, the powder, and the pill forms. He sometimes can get the pill down, but the other two he can't swallow down due to the nasty taste. Some days he has an appetite, but many days he lives on soups, cereal, or just a few bites of his dinner. He mentioned that he needs more protein drinks for those nauseated days. When Tom was in Detroit last they mentioned that the trial will most likely be extended for another year. He was disappointed as he still would like to move his care back here to our side of the state. I try not to let him get too down. As he told his friend from Ohio, "I start to become a grumpy cancer patient until Val gives me a kick and tells me to straighten up" I just mention to him that life could be much different and that we make of it what we want.


A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a coworker who was having a bad day. Her husband has health issues and her mother is elderly and also needs care. She was feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. I remember tell her that I didn't have great words of wisdom but could only say....You can't be everything to everyone or even someone. I can only hope that when I look back at my life I can say that I did the best that I could. That I have no guilt for what I did and did not do. She said Valerie, that's the best advice and I needed to hear that today.

We need to hold each other up and be understanding with one another during our struggles in life. We all live in precious moments and we don't always "get" what others are going through. I am still so very grateful for so many people that have walked with us these years. I can't thank my prayer warriors enough for what they helped me through. Our road has not always been easy and I'm not sure it will get any easier with this disease and its painful side effects of the drug. But I do know that when I wake up in the morning I am so glad that I have this day (this present) and am determined to make the most of it.

James 3:16-18 "For wherever there is jealousy or selfish ambition, there will be disorder and every other kind of evil. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure and full of quiet gentleness. Then it is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and is willing to yield to others; it is full of mercy and good deeds. It is wholehearted and straightforward and sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness."

Love One Another

We are on the final countdown to the end of school year 2011-2012. Cody continues in weight training & Katie starts swim club. All three kids are going to camps at some point this summer and our weekends seem to be filling up quickly. Kyle continues to work and we are having our first parents meeting for the 2013 graduating class. How was it that a blink of an eye I was a new mother? Now my boys both look down at me and their sister is almost my height? Tom and I had a great time at the wedding reception. I got out on the dance floor to shake things up with Cousin Susan, the wedding party and Aunt Judy. Tom even came out on the dance floor a few times! The next morning we were up early and headed to West Bloomfield. Tom had 2 days of scans which he handled pretty well. The Tigers game was cancelled which probably was a blessing as Tom was not feeling all that great, but he had such a positive attitude. The results on Tuesday came back Stable, but a side note that he needs to CONSISTENTLY take his Potassium. I know that he has a hard time taking this pill and does his best, but he does tend to skip it frequently. His levels were low, but a mild discussion about it's importance and they let him come home. I also took Wednesday off that week and Tom bought me a new set of golf clubs and we went to the Dungeon for lunch which is in Tom's childhood stomping grounds. We had a great day together and the day flew by for having no "plans". Thursday I took a trip with our daughters 6th Grade class to the Chicago Science & Industry Museum. We had a great day and I was exhausted when we got back home. Friday I tried not to pout about going back to work :) Today we had a fitting sermon about God is Love. Pastor Gary said that because God is Love his flavor flows through all he does. Apostle John wrote about Love and he states: The Lord commands us to Love , if that alone is done it suffices. He ended that Jesus commanded us to Love one Another. All through out my life, my mother ended every note she wrote & laid upon our counter "Love One Another" What a smart and loving woman she truly is and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I hope that I have left that same influence upon the people I meet. Life can be hard and if we let bitterness settle in, we miss the opportunity that life has to offer. 1 John 3:23 "And this is what God says we must do: Believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another."

On the Road

Tom and the two youngest children went to Detroit over Spring break. The kids accompanied their dad to his monthly visit. In return Tom took them shopping at the Tangier Outlet. Tom felt that since we could not get away for Spring break, he could at least lighten his wallet with shopping. They all came home smiling and seemed to have a good visit. While they were gone, I took Kyle out for a dinner as us "working" people deserved a little something special too. I am realizing that my time with Kyle is getting shorter. I am glad that he is only a Junior this year. Next year will fly by too quickly if time moves as it has lately. Tom is getting ready to have his next set of scans once again. We are fitting in a little fun with this medical trip. Toms cousin's daughter is having a reception in Bay City and then its onto D-town for two days of scans and the third day the doctor visit and results. However we will fit in a Tigers baseball game with friends before we head back home. I am actually taking 4 vacation days. I have not had this much time off since 2008. That's a lot of working days! I am looking forward to having my husband's undivided attention. I hope he feels up to doing all that we have planned as earlier this week he was really fighting his chemo effects. I remind him not to push himself too hard. He is not working full-time for a reason but I'm afraid that he sometimes forgets that. My father got into a car accident last week and it brought back so many emotions of losing my brother. My dad is fine, but it's another reminder of how precious life is. During this time I was reading a book and came across this from The Life of Abraham Lincoln "This bereavement took much from Lincoln. Did it give him nothing? Patience, earnestness, tenderness, sympathy -- these are sometimes the gifts which are sent by the messenger Sorrow"

Never Sitting Still

Here we are...the last day of March! Time does not slow down. Yesterday was the first day of Spring break for the kids & the younger two are taking a break. Kyle has a job and will be working 40+ hours at this job (welcome to the working world my son!) This past month Cody has his Wrestling Banquet and the coach gave him recognition for his tough job in his weight class. His dad was so proud that Cody got his Varsity letter and is looking into either displaying it or getting Cody his varsity jacket. Katie will be busy as she is signed up for a new swim club and will have to balance that with her basketball and volleyball camps. We'll have to see if she can fit that all in!

Tom is slipping back into eating cereal three times a day. His appetite is there, but he does not handle the regular meals very well. He is going to have to get back on the Ensure drinks and such as one can't survive on cereal alone. I am on him to try eating as I saw what it did to energy level last time. He continues teaching CPR classes and keeping himself busy with small jobs. I am glad that he has a purpose to get himself up and going everyday.

His trip into Detroit this past month was interesting. It looks like the drug company is making an attempt to push XL-184 to be FDA approved. Tom is very excited about the fact that he could stop making the long drive every month. As I am unable to go with him every time; for me it would mean that I could attend his visits here & be able to support him more. I believe we will know by May if this is moving forward.

Tom was never a sit still kind of guy. When we were first married I think he made people a little nervous because he always stood. I would explain to friends and my family that was just the way he is. I am glad that he still doing better and pushing himself even though being on this medicine makes him feel like curling up on the couch and let the world spin by. Last night Tom ran into an acquaintance that has also been diagnosis with cancer. They talked about their life changing experience and how their outlook has been affected since being diagnosed with this disease. It sounded like is was a deep conversation. I am so thankful that Tom can connect with other cancer survivors and they can empathize unlike so many of us.

"Now your attitude and thought must all be constantly changing for the better." Ephesians 4:23